


Fiction

by vertigocave



Category: My Chemical Romance, The Used
Genre: Fluff, M/M, as a warning I guess?, i have no idea what this is, unreality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-31
Updated: 2018-10-31
Packaged: 2019-08-11 02:24:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16466894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vertigocave/pseuds/vertigocave
Summary: Bert’s anxiety attacks can get very intense sometimes, to the point of feeling like everything he knows is fake.





	Fiction

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this based around an experience I had. Read with caution if you experience paranoia I guess?

Bert is in the bathroom when it happens. As he’s humming a song he heard on the radio earlier, he casually notices that the prop guys really outdid themselves this time, like with the toothpaste, that looks so saturated and realistic.

 

He shoots a look around the perfect room and notices how everything is white and green, to great visual effect. As waits for the director to give him instructions he realizes that it’s just the same, boring real life.

He tries to wash his face and he makes a mental note to compliment the guy who does his makeup: he really looks like another person after his work is done.

 

“No!” he utters softly. 

He looks at his own hands. His tattoos also look very realistic. The makeup guy definitely deserves a raise.

 

He begins scratching his face, attempting to not lose grip with reality. A scrape he had gotten from picking at the skin on his lips re-opens and he feels something wet on his finger. He stares at the red liquid on his digit, trying to figure out if it’s corn syrup or store-bought fake blood. After a taste he notices that it definitely has a metallic taste to it. Very impressive.

 

‘Idiot’ he tells himself. He takes a few steps back and looks at his reflection. His arms are really well made. He wonders if he’s an animated model or a real actor. He tries bending his arm into his chest. Probably a real actor.

 

He hadn’t noticed how irregular his breathing has gotten. His head feels lighter. He stumbles as he moves near the sink again, grasping at the edges.

He starts humming again, trying to distract himself from what he knows is a fake feeling.

He looks at his facial expression: his eyes are a little wider than what he feels is usual, his lips aren’t close enough to touch. His actor must be doing a really great job because this looks professional. 

He thinks that if he met someone making this face in real life he would definitely be a little worried. 

His mouth opens asymmetrically, like he has seen in some music video earlier, which only confirms to him that this is all fake. 

 

He leaves the bathroom, as the script commands him to do, and he walks into the living room, where a character he recognizes to be his roommate-slash-significant other-slash-the plot hasn’t gotten there yet is watching what seems to be kids’ cartoons.

He wonders if they have actually paid an actual company to use their cartoons in this scene, since it looked extremely plausible for something that had to be played in the background of the dialogue.

 

“Hey” Bert says, approaching the guy.

 

“Hey” the guy says.

 

“Goodnight.”

 

“Goodnight.”

The guy gets a weird look on his face. He tilts his head as he looks at Bert. “Is everything okay?”

 

“Yeah. It will go away soon” Bert says mechanically.

 

The guy sees to understand something. “Is it one of your things?”

 

“Of my what?”

 

The guy invites him to sit besides him on the couch as he turns off the TV. He looks at Bert in the eyes as he takes a deep breath. “Sometimes, let’s say, weird things happen to you.”

 

_ Gerard _ . 

The guy’s name crosses Bert’s mind like an electric signal, and his head feels a little less full of helium.

 

“You might get anxious or ‘empty’. Or angry, or euphoric. Do you remember something like this?”

 

Bert tries to move his focus away from how pretty the actor they hired to play his roommate is towards a time he felt in one of those ways. He does remember that a couple of days earlier he had started directing a music video for a friend despite having zero experience, but he was sure of what he was doing. He also remembers that the day earlier he was on the phone with Quinn and he had gotten annoyed because Bert ‘seemed pissed off for no reason’.

 

“Am I real?”

 

“What?” Gerard says, and he seems caught off guard. “Of course you are!”

 

“Is any of this real?” 

 

“Bert, how does your body feel?”

 

“Why does that matter?” Bert yells, standing up.

 

“It does fucking matter. I’m trying to help you here!” Gerard screams, getting up as well.

 

They stare at each other in silence until Bert slowly raises his hands towards his own face.

“Oh, fuck. I fucked up. I really fucked up. I’m sorry, Gee.”

 

Gerard - the real Gerard, not some actor - seems relieved. “It’s okay, Bert.” 

He slowly moves towards his roommate - his real roommate - and pulls him into a hesitant hug, ready to move away in case that turns out to be a bad idea.

 

“I’m so fucking sorry, Gee. I felt so…  _ anxious _ , so anxious, and then… goddamn it, how could I think this was fake?” Bert utters, grasping at Gerard’s hoodie.

“It hadn’t happened in months. I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

 

“It’s okay” Gerard murmurs, patting on Bert’s head.

“You’re always there for me when something happens to me. Of course I wanna do the same” he comforts him.

“But” he adds “do you think you could write it down now?”

 

“What? What should I write down?”

 

Gerard bites his bottom lip. “You know, how you felt now. I know it might not be easy, but…”

 

“Yeah, I get it. Lemme go grab a piece of paper.”

 

Gerard sits besides Bert as he scribbles down a detailed description of what had just happened. When he’s done, he watches him putting the piece of paper in the pocket of his jacket.

“I’ll tell the guy about this. I promise.”

 

Gerard smiles and he places a kiss on the top of Bert’s head.

“Good job. I’m proud of you.”

 

“Thank you” Bert grins.

“I think I’ll go to sleep now. Are you staying up?”

 

“Yep.”

Gerard’s lips curl. “Hey, Bert?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Can you promise me that you’ll come over here if anything else happens? Tonight or anytime in the future?”

 

“Sure” Bert says, without thinking about it. He then takes a moment to process the information completely. “I will. Thank you.”

 

Gerard smiles. “Okay. Goodnight!”

 

“Goodnight!” 


End file.
